I cannot believe that a year has gone by since I last saw my dear sweet Nans. A whole year, which seems to have flown by, but stood still at the same time. I can still feel that exact moment of that day. I had driven home after saying my “see you laters”, believing that I still had another visit. I remember arriving home after a three hour drive, to call my mum, to see how my Nans was, as my Mother sat by her side with my Father and Brother. At that moment, I remember my Mother saying that Nans breathing had changed, and unfortunately it did not seem that it would be long…and it was at that exact moment, that I heard my poor Mothers breath catch, as she told me, “She’s gone, Kelly.” I remember being so angry at myself for not staying, for not being there, as well as so wretchedly heart broken. But at the same time, grateful that I should have called at that exact moment, and still had a chance to be there in time, although not physically there in person. My Nans was a woman who had so much substance, and now that time has gone on, I’ve come to realise exactly how important she was at holding our family together; how she was the one that was the glue and the sensibility amongst it all. It’s funny, how even though you think you know someone, there is still so much more that you don’t, and their true value can’t even be felt, until suddenly they are no longer there, performing their special brand of magic, of which you can never be fully aware. I always believed she was fantastic, and so much more beyond what I could see, but she was even more than that again.
Times like these, I am so glad I can crawl though my photo albums and reminisce over her. It has been hard to accept at times, that life goes on. Life milestones are reached; heartbreaks are had; advice is needed, and yet I cannot call her up about any of it. Sometimes I have ached to do so, and I’ve imagined what her side of the conversation would sound like. I think she would know that I loved, and continue to do so. And I’m pretty sure she’d let me know that I was still loved too.
RIP my dear sweet Nans. Until we meet again xxx
